WHEN THE TRASH TALKS
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”
— Epictetus
One morning in October of 2025, I sat down for coffee with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years. I thought we were just catching up. Instead, I walked away with one of the most practical leadership lessons I’ve ever heard.
As we talked and drank our coffee, the owner of the coffee shop walked over and joined the conversation. Naturally, we started talking about the coffee business. I enjoy coffee quite a bit myself, so the conversation quickly turned to what we were drinking.
He asked me what I thought of the coffee. I gave the polite answer most people give.
“It’s good.”
He smiled and said, “No really — what do you think?”
So I told him the truth… “It’s acidic and a little cool… like it may have been sitting for a while before served.”
Instead of getting defensive, he welcomed the feedback. Then he began explaining something about running a business that stuck with me.
He said, “You know, it’s not about my preference. My preference wouldn’t be profitable because it doesn’t include all the sugary flavors and that’s what too many people want.”
My friend laughed and agreed as he sipped his caramel latte.
Then the owner added, “People are too nice. They struggle to tell you things that are essential to the success of the business. If I don’t get real feedback from customers, I can’t improve our product.”
Then he said something I didn’t expect.
“People may not always be honest with their words, but they are usually honest with their actions.”
I nodded and waited for him to follow-up with an explanation.
He continued…. “That’s why I empty the trash bags behind the building and dig through them.”
I laughed. He didn’t.
He explained that sometimes he goes through the trash to see what customers are throwing away. One day he noticed a large number of full smoothies in the garbage.
That’s how he learned their smoothie recipe was not good. The customers never complained. They simply threw the drink away. And the trash told the truth. This gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “actions speak louder than words”.
Too often leaders struggle to get honest feedback because they only listen to what people say. But words are not always the most honest signal. Actions are.
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Every organization has “helpful trash” if its leaders are willing to look. People may not always say what’s wrong. But their actions will reveal it.
Success is found on the other side of doing what no one else wants to do.
Too often leaders miss the truth because they are unwilling to look in uncomfortable places. Doing what no one else is doing may take more effort. It may create a mess. It may even make you look foolish. But uncommon insight usually comes from uncommon effort.
Sometimes the truth isn’t in the compliments. Sometimes it’s in the trash
Principles
1 | Actions Reveal What Words Hide.
People often say what is polite. Their actions reveal what is true. Great leaders learn to observe behavior, not just listen to statements.
2 | Leaders Must Look Where Others Won’t.
Many leaders want honest feedback but only search for it in convenient places. Great leaders go further and investigate deeper
3 | Data Isn’t Always in a Report.
Organizations produce reports and surveys, but some of the most valuable information is found in everyday observations. Pay attention to what people use, ignore, avoid, or abandon. Those patterns often reveal the truth.
Reflect
Where might people be giving you polite answers instead of honest feedback?
What words don’t line up with the actions that you see in your organization?
What “trash” does your organization’s trashbag need to pay attention to?
